Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I guess Ill go to Coffee Bean

Starbucks Gossip Article

As the new year rolls on and every single *insert massive amounts of curse words* company that can possibly benefit from convincing YOU the consumer that you are not good enough and infact would be of more worth if you were of less girth (thank you, thank you... Ill be hitting the comedy clubs later) has capitalized on every single media source they can get their grubby, no good, full of lies, hands on,
Starbucks has decided to jump on the bandwagon.
Now, as a shareholder of this capitalist source of caffeine, I am aware that, yes, they had a bad year, yes, they fired their CEO and yes, they need something to perk up their sales.
Introducing Starbucks new "Skinny" line of coffies....
What does this entail? Sugarfree/nonfat/no whip...
Basically a single word to define something you could already order. Not only has Starbucks decided to make people associate being Skinny with terribly watered down chemicals, but a secret source (okay, I have a couple friends who work there) has notified me that the baristas are being asked to yell "Skinny" out when announcing the drink the consumer has purchased, but they have been asked to memorize nutrition facts of all of their products, thus further taking any soul and intuition out of food and eating. I was also let on to the fact that if Baristas do not RING UP these drinks with the skinny button and simply do it another way, it will overthrow the consumer count, thus disabling the date of whether they are indeed selling :) As a company that prides themselves on being "socially responsible" I believe they need to rethink what it means to be socially responsible and what if the current social standard ISNT responsible? With posters everywhere, Starbucks is losing me. I do not WANT to be surrounded by things reminding me of the current cultural paradigm and you can count on this pissed off share holder writing a letter.

I think next time I go, my thin self will order a Big fat cup of Obesity

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